Dear Woman

Not for sensitive readers

There are many loving and supportive men out there. But sadly, there are also the ones who are just after your money. Thandi, not her real name, fell in love with Sbu (not his real name). Thandi had a beautiful little home she had bought many years earlier for herself and her son. Sbu soon moved in with her. He was talking of marrying her but then asked her to sell her home so they could buy a home jointly together. Thandi agreed. After all, Sbu had a good job and drove a very smart car. Soon they moved into their new beautiful home. One day while Thandi was on maternity leave, she kept seeing letters from the bank in the mail. Finally she decided to open one of them. She was so shocked she almost fainted. The bank was sending letters of demand and had started with legal action to repossess their home. Here she was on maternity leave with their young baby. She didn’t know how to deal with this. Sbu had asked her to use profits from the sale of her home to put as a deposit for the house. She had paid a high deposit and Sbu had promised to pay the instalments until she went back to work. What had happened? Why didn’t he tell her he wasn’t making any payments towards the home loan?

It was a year later when I met Thandi. The bank had repossessed and sold their home and because the market was bad and it was a forced sale, they sold at a loss. She still has to pay 50% of the remaining debt after all costs and that is a whopping R240 000. She not only lost her beautiful home but she has to pay this R240 000 before any bank can lend her money to buy anything, she has to clear her name from the credit bureau and she also has to look after her second child. My heart sank at hearing her story and I had to write this article to warn women about the new kind of man who seems to be after nothing else but your money.

You know he is into your money if:

1.       He is driving your car while you take a taxi to work

2.       He lets you buy him a car

3.       He leaves his job and moves in with you and expects you to look after him like a little baby

4.       He moves in with you and doesn’t pay the rent

5.       He wants you to sell your home and buy a home jointly with him. Why should you sell your home?

6.       He is so eager to marry you he gets a credit card / personal loan to pay lobola

7.       He asks you to pay lobola for him to lobola you and he promises to pay you later. If he cannot afford to pay lobola, he cannot afford to look after a wife

8.       He always claims to have forgotten his credit card at home and you end up having to pay on your date

9.       He always borrows money from you and never repays you. Next time, ask him to go to the bank to borrow money

10.   When he has money, he spends it on himself and everyone else but you

11.   He doesn’t like it when you spend money on yourself or your loved ones yet he expects you to look after him and his family

12.   He expects you to pay school fees for his children

13.   He wants to let his kids move in with you so they will be looked after by you – yet he has never lived with them before he met you

14.   He praises you for being a super woman because he wants to take advantage of your good nature

15.   He tells you women are home makers because he wants you to buy him a home

16.   He will not pay maintenance for his kids and claims he is using the money on you. This is very bad, he must look after his kids and not use you as an excuse for not paying maintenance.

17.   He thinks lobola is an investment. When you divorce, he demands his lobola back

I know that as women, when we fall in love, we really fall in love with our whole heart. Woman, remember this: you have every right to protect what you have worked hard for. If someone is with you for your money, they will marry you and in a short while, divorce you and take 50% of your hard earned assets with them. So before you say “I do”, make sure you read page 205 in the book From Debt to Riches and do look after your money!Also, do not sign surety or get into joint accounts with your lover. Someone who really loves you would think twice before they put you into a potentially dangerous situation

Have you been used by someone you loved? If so, I would like to hear your story. If you are a man who goes for women for nothing else but their money, I would like to hear from you too so I can warn women about you.

Happy women’s day 🙂

Warm regards

Phume

From Debt to Riches